


Regrets

by Milkovich_Murder



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Angst, F/M, Sad, drabble-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 15:50:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milkovich_Murder/pseuds/Milkovich_Murder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Owen's search for absolution, he finds that the Tosh was there all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regrets

Regrets. His life was full of regrets. Everyone around him had regretted his presence, always. From his family to his friends to his lovers.

His own father had ditched his family when he was born. His mother had thrown him out when he was sixteen. Screaming that she loves him because she has to, but she can't take him being around anymore.

Diana had loved him and he had loved her. However, she had left him. Just like everyone else. She'd left through the rift and went to God-knows-where because she had to get away from him. It didn't matter where, anywhere was fine as long as she was away from him.

Katie had loved him and he had loved her. They were getting married for God's sake. She'd been ill and he knew that, but he loved her anyway. It had been his fault when she died and he knew it. He had told her to go through with the surgery. He had pressured her, said it would be best. In the end, all he'd done was get her killed.

When Owen had died, the team had just replaced him. Martha Jones took his place and he was sitting there making fucking coffee.

Then Tosh comes to talk to him, but when she comes all she does is talk about friends and eat pizza and it feels wrong because their first date shouldn't feel forced. It shouldn't feel unnatural. Their first date should feel happy and right and it should be fun and end in a long hot round of sex.

Owen shouldn't be dead. He should be alive. Owen shouldn't be cold. He should be warm and feeling. Owen shouldn't be distant. He should be close and passionate. He regrets that it has to be this way.

Tosh was talking and Owen snapped and then Owen was running and jumped into the water and all he wanted to do was drown. But he was dead. So he surfaced and pretended he wasn't falling to pieces.

He got lucky, or so it seemed. Jack gave him a mission. Maybe he understood how much he wanted something meaningful to do. Maybe he understood how much he needed a distraction.

Soon he was running the mission and he felt more alive then he ever had, but it was all such a blur. Such a complete and utter blur. Like nothing was in focus. A man was dying and Owen thought he was dying and he was saying good bye because he thought that was the end. He regretted not being there for the man a little longer.

Then he was living and he was watching the team and they were all laughing and smiling because he was alive. Or dead/alive rather then dead/dead.

Suddenly he was in the workroom with Tosh, not a 100% sure about how he got there. That was the way things seemed to pass, in flashes. Tosh was reassuring him and he was trying so hard not to snog her right then and there. He reminded himself that he was dead and that he wouldn't feel anything and that if he did, it would become another incident on his long list of regrets.

He really liked Tosh. He really did. She was beautiful and she seemed to actually like him too. The funny thing was, she never seemed to get tired of him. Tired of being near him, tired of his faults, tired of his personality. The truth was, she had stayed behind with him so many nights at work, it felt wrong when she wasn't there.

It was hard to resist falling for her, but he forced himself not to anyway. It was that fucking word. Love. Whenever that word came into play he always lost them. His mother…Diana…Katie...

Even though Tosh had said she loved him, Owen knew better. When people get emotional they say things they don't mean. He should know, he said enough of them to his mother. In a moment like the one Tosh experienced, a tiny crush can suddenly feel like love. After all, you love what you can't have.

So he didn't snog her. Not then. He would wait until their friendship was more stable then they could hook up, but just that. They could be fuck buddies, but nothing more.

The idea was stiffening, and not because of rigor mortis.


End file.
